I’ve had my fair share of challenging and difficult conversations. Whether it’s addressing performance issues or resolving conflicts within teams, mastering the art of difficult conversations is crucial for any leader. So, let me share some practical tips and models that have proven effective in my experience.
Preparation:
First things first, don’t procrastinate! Putting off difficult conversations only makes matters worse. It erodes trust, affects productivity, and leaves room for misunderstandings to fester. Take the time to prepare by asking yourself some key questions:
- Why is this conversation necessary?
- What are the key points I need to communicate?
- How might the other person react, and what’s their perspective?
- What evidence do I have to support my points?
Define the Purpose: Clearly outline why the conversation is necessary and what outcomes you hope to achieve. This clarity will guide the discussion and keep it focused.
Gather Evidence: Collect relevant facts and examples to support your points. Differentiate between facts and opinions/emotions to stay impartial.
Consider the Other Person’s Perspective: Put yourself in their shoes to understand their viewpoint and potential reactions. Anticipating their perspective helps in crafting a more empathetic approach.
During the Conversation:
When you’re in the thick of it, remember these tips to keep the conversation on track:
TIP ONE: Show empathy and understanding by actively listening and paraphrasing what the other person is saying and actively listening without interrupting. Pause to reflect and show that you’re processing their input.
TIP TWO: Focus on finding solutions together rather than dwelling on the problem. Encourage the other person to contribute to the resolution.
TIP THREE: Keep emotions in check and stay calm, even if things get heated. Park any personal biases before the conversation to maintain objectivity. If emotions escalate during the discussion, remain calm and use the other person’s name to bring focus back to the topic.
TIP FOUR: Summarise and Recap: At the end of the conversation, summarise the key points discussed, decisions made, and outline next steps. This ensures clarity and alignment moving forward.
Quick Guides:
I’ve found that breaking down difficult conversations into five key elements helps to navigate them more effectively:
- Opening: Set the stage for the conversation and establish trust.
- Purpose: Outline what needs to be discussed and why it’s important.
- Objectives: Focus on facts and aim for a solution-oriented approach.
- Feedback: Encourage open dialogue and actively listen to the other person’s perspective.
- Closing: Summarise key points and agree on actionable steps moving forward.
By setting the agenda, focusing on facts, fostering trust, aiming for understanding, and jointly seeking solutions, this model guides you through a difficult conversation.
CLEAR Model:
Think of the CLEAR model as your roadmap for tricky talks.
Contracting: Set clear expectations for the conversation.
Listening: Actively listen to understand the other person’s perspective.
Exploration: Ask open-ended questions to dig deeper into the issue.
Action: Define actionable steps to address the problem.
Review: Recap the conversation and ensure everyone is on the same page.
By establishing expectations, you are both clear on what is being discussed. In actively listening to them you are showing respect and that you value their input. By asking open-ended questions you are subtly directing the conversation keeping it on track. By defining actions, everyone has clarity on what happens next. And, in reviewing outcomes, you have the opportunity to recap the headlines of the conversation, cover-off actions and solutions.
Lastly, keep your communication clear and concise:
✅ Plan an agenda to stay focused
✅ Avoid over-explaining unless necessary
✅ Minimise filler words to maintain clarity
✅ Tailor your communication to the other person’s needs
After the Conversation Ask Yourself:
- Did I say what I needed to say clearly and effectively?
- Did I understand their needs?
- Did I actively listen without interrupting?
- Did my emotions affect the conversation?
- Have I followed up with any actions that I said I would?
- Did I take ownership of any miscommunication/misunderstandings?
- What would I do differently next time?
Hypothetical Conversation on Poor Performance:
Manager: Well, I’ve noticed that there have been some inconsistencies in your work and missed deadlines. This is concerning because it’s impacting our team’s overall productivity and our ability to meet XYZ.
Direct Report: Oh, I wasn’t aware that my performance was falling short. Can you give me some specific examples?
Manager: Of course. For instance, there were two reports that were submitted with errors, and we had to spend extra time correcting them before sending them. And you missed a deadline on the project last week, which caused delays.
Direct Report: I see. I’m sorry. I’ve been struggling to manage my workload recently, I don’t know what to do first.
Manager: Thanks for sharing that. It’s important for us to address these issues proactively to ensure we’re all on the same page. How do you think we can improve and support you better?
Direct Report: I think some training or resources to help me better manage my workload and improve my time management skills. More regular check-ins to provide feedback and guidance could help too.
Manager: That sounds like a good plan. I’ll arrange for some training and resources to support you in those areas. We’ll schedule regular check-ins to address any concerns along the way.
Direct Report: Thank you, I really appreciate understanding.
Manager: Great to hear. Let’s work together to make sure you have everything you need. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions or need assistance along the way.
In this conversation, the manager approaches the conversation with empathy and focuses on finding solutions collaboratively with the employee. They address the performance issues openly, leading to a positive outcome where both parties are onboard.
Wrap Up
Mastering the art of difficult conversations is an essential skill but we all want to shy away from them. By following some or any of these tips, especially preparation, clear communication, and empathetic listening, leaders can more easily address challenging topics
Whether it’s addressing performance issues or resolving conflicts, approaching these conversations with a structured approach, does help.
Reflecting on the conversation afterwards allows for continuous improvement of communication skills. Ultimately, being open and focusing on solutions together, leaders can navigate difficult conversations with confidence.
If you want to delve in deeper, I can recommend: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
You may also like to read: Emotional Intelligence the Core Principles
