The Core Principles of Emotional Intelligence – How to integrate them into your everyday.
“Emotional Intelligence is your ability to recognise and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behaviour and relationships.” Travis Bradberry
By taking stock on one’s own traits, feelings, motivators and thoughts, you become a master of your own self.
- Become aware of and manage your stressors.
- Pay attention to your emotive reactions, when do they most likely occur?
- What challenges and motivates you?
- Learn to reflect on your emotions objectively and take the time to do so
- Notice the patterns in your behaviour (most happy, most frustrated, etc.) and how this affects your performance.
- Build your confidence by acknowledging your strengths and weaknesses.
- Remind yourself or write down your core values – are you aligned with those?
- What are the external triggers that cause the emotions which impact you?
ACTION: Re tune into your instinct/subconscious. By taking just 5 minutes per day to reflect on what you are thinking and feeling, will make you more self-aware.
Try to notice when your inner critic peaks and change your banter to a positive self-reinforcement.
- Set yourself a realistic schedule and keep to it
- Be curious about your own emotions.
- Be trusting of yourself and others.
- Hold yourself accountable and be self disciplined.
- Align with your core values.
- Be confident in your own volition.
ACTION: Notice when you are at your best and how your routine affects this. Do you need to go to bed earlier? Exercise more? Eat more healthily? Stop notifications?
Empathy is not only a human instinct but also a skill that can be tweaked and mastered.
- When listening try to be present, be aware of when you’re distracted.
- Try active listening, paraphrase what the person has said, show your emotional reaction and indicate how your response makes you want to behave. This shows empathy and gives clarity.
- Be approachable, you may need to pay attention to how you come across. If you appear stressed, too busy, people are less likely to broach you.
- Open yourself up emotionally. Reflect on how you would readily share a thought or opinion and shift focus to how you are feeling and express that instead.,
- Engage with more people and focus your attention outwards.
- Try to be objective and look at situations from their perspective.
- Be curious.
ACTION: Practice withholding your immediate judgments, longer silence, try starting your sentences with ‘I feel’ rather than ‘I think’.
Increasing social awareness will elevate understanding of others’ emotions, needs and concerns. In being more aware, it’s easier to spot the power dynamics/key influencers in a group and pick up on their emotional cues.
- How do you handle and influence others?
- What skills do you need to develop?
- Practice more meaningful interactions.
- Be more aware of body language and non-verbal communication
- Pay attention to the tone of voice.
- Be conscious of peoples’ reactions to what you are saying.
- Attend new groups or networking events.
- Embrace feedback and adjust.
ACTION – Ask someone else how you are coming across in different situations. Try to stop habitual complaining. Be aware of what your default conversation mode is.
Internal motivation is what drives you without any external rewards and results from the way we are feeling.
- Notice the patterns of when you are most motivated, what is the trigger?
- Set long term goals (1 year). Break this down into monthly steps and smaller weekly actions.
- Be realistic about what you want to achieve for yourself.
- Stop the inner critic and swap for positive reinforcements.
- Assess what your internal drivers are.
- Step out of your comfort zone as often as you can.
- Get help in any shape or form and don’t be afraid to ask.
ACTION: Acknowledge how you are feeling that stops you and gets in the way of your achieving and performing. Write down your goals and reflect on them daily. Know your ‘why’ and ‘purpose’.
Whether personal, leadership, executive, or career coaching emotional intelligence become apparent, areas for improvement are highlighted and everyone is not great at all aspects. Once you are aware of what it is that you need to shift, improve or create awareness on, it becomes easy to integrate. Coaching highlights this quickly but this post does give you take away actions too.